He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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