Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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