I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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