She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
