theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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