I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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