i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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