There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is my gift to your gina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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