Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
