I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
