O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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