There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
