I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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