their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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