I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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