A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
