Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
