six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
