I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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