Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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