i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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