I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
