just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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