Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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