puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
