i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
