How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize