Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
