Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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