The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
