Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
