i can't believe i had my finger in that
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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