Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
