Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
