Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
