Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize