There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I die, sorry about rent.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
