Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
