I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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