He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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