Ketchup is God's man juice
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
