If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I deserve this hangover.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
