I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
