the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize