okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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