Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
