You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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