I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
