I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize