ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
