we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
