Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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