I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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