My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
