hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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