Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize