He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
