Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
