did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
