I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
