he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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