she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
