Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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