Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
