my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
