Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
