you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
