so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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