I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
