I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
