it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
as a side note pls kill me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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