I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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