i think my tv is drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize