he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
