i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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