Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
