Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize