One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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