What did we do last night that was yellow?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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