Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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