we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize