Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
