I feel great
I just peed on a car
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
