Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
