look no pants
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
