I hate your face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
