I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
