I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
