I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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