if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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