I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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