just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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