this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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