I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont even know how to be here
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
