so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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