I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
